Hazards of Being Nosy
by Sela McGrane
Summary: Filius Flitwick is about to be reminded of the hazards of being nosy. HG/MM


**Just a cute little snippet. Hope you guys enjoy.**

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"Come on, Minerva, please!"

Filius Flitwick, Charms Professor and Deputy Head of Hogwarts looked up from his book when the Headmistress stormed into the staffroom, their young Potions Mistress hot on her heel. "I said _no_ , Hermione," Minerva stated. "How many times do I need to say it before it sinks in?"

"I'm not going to let it go," Hermione ground out. "It's wrong he's in there, and you damn well know it."

"Draco Malfoy is in Azkaban because the arrogant little prick was a Death Eater," the Headmistress argued.

Neither woman noticed Filius sitting in the corner, quietly, and he muttered a charm under his breath to keep it that way. He tended to side with Hermione on the issue, and while Minerva was certainly stubborn, the young Potions Professor seemed to be her Achilles Heel. Filius wasn't typically the nosey sort, but he couldn't help be curious who would win this argument - whatever the actual argument was - and was rather resolved to not interrupt.

"Draco is in Azkaban because his stupid father gave him no choice in the matter of being branded," Hermione defended the young Mister Malfoy. "There is no evidence to suggest that he ever caused harm to anyone. Witnessed more than enough, sure, but he did not maim or kill anyone. He was a scared little boy. He's been in Azkaban _five years_ Minerva. Isn't that enough for what little he _did do_?"

"You mean the letting of Death Eaters into this school, resulting in the Death of our esteemed, and dearly departed Headmaster?" Minerva snapped, referring of course to Albus.

"Dumbledore was killed by Snape, which was _planned_ between them," the younger debated. "Albus would have died by Snape's hand in any case. Draco was just a tool used to make Voldemort believe that he was in control of the situation."

"And you want me to advocate for the early release of this _tool_?" Minerva scoffed.

"Yes, very much so. He needs a respected member of wizarding society to do so in order to qualify for parole. I don't have that much influence, so I'm asking you."

Filius watched the scene with interest. Hermione made some very good points, but he also understood Minerva's position. While not technically responsible for Albus' death, Draco Malfoy _had_ indeed let Death Eaters into this school, risking every student in the process. The boy might have done to Severus, or even Albus for help and protection, but he'd chosen to do as his father and Voldemort had ordered. It did not say much for his strength of character. That said, he'd been a child. He didn't know any better.

"Why are you so intent on helping him?" Minerva demanded of her colleague. "Did you two have an affair I didn't know about, and you hope to rekindle the romance now that the war isn't in the way?"

Hermione laughed out loud. "In no universe would _that_ happen. I'd rather shag you!"

Filius had to bite his lip to keep from laughing out loud at the look on Minerva's face. It was somewhere between stunned and angry, and he pitied poor Hermione for what he knew was coming next. Minerva would do what she always did when confronted with something that she was unsure of how to handle. She'd lose her temper.

"Oh, really?" Minerva hissed. "Glad to know I at least outrank Draco Malfoy on your list of potential conquests."

To Filius' surprise, Hermione did not react as one would expect. There was no outburst or stuttering apology. The young woman just grinned. "I'd say you outrank a good many people, Minerva. You're a very attractive witch. If you weren't so puritanical about sex, I'd probably have already had a go at seducing you."

"I am _not_ puritanical about sex!" Minerva shouted, face red with embarrassment.

"Oh yeah?" Hermione mused. "You're secretly horribly kinky then? Perhaps your wardrobe is filled with all kinds of great toys? I wouldn't know, I've never had a chance to peek."

"My wardrobe is filled with clothing, as it should be, thank you very much," Minerva muttered. "Toys are in my bedside drawer."

Filius' face was growing red by now. That was _not_ something he'd wanted to know about his longtime friend.

"Oh?" Hermione asked, grinning now. "And are you only using them on yourself, or are you as prone to one-night stands same as most other single witches?"

"I am not having this conversation with you, Hermione," Minerva snapped.

"Hard to get a date when you're stuck at Hogwarts, huh?"

"Hermione! Stop this at once!"

Minerva was fiddling with her hands now, which Filius knew was a sign that she was trying to maintain her self control. It begged to question what she was trying to hold back from, though by the way Minerva was eying Hermione's rather becoming form, he had a hunch.

"What?" the younger witch asked. "Horny now, with all this talk about sex?"

Minerva attempted to look bored. "Hardly."

"So you're not looking at my tits wondering what it would be like to suck them as you fuck me with your fingers?"

Filius was now completely regretting his decision to watch these too argue. "Please don't shag in front of me…" he muttered to himself, behind the safety of the wards he'd set around himself.

"Hermione…" Minerva ground out, exasperation obvious in her tone.

"Well, I don't know about you, but I certainly wouldn't say no to a chance to shag you senseless," the younger woman shrugged. "Of course, if you insist you're not interested, I suppose we could get back to talking about Draco."

Hook. Line. Sinker. Minerva was on Hermione in a matter of seconds, both women groaning as lips melded together and hands wandered. Before things went any further, Filius pointed his wand at Minerva and cast a light compellment charm, urging the Headmistress to take this… _happening_ back to her quarters.

"Let's go back to mine," Minerva muttered a moment later. "I believe you wanted to have a look at the contents of of my bedside drawer?"

Hermione nodded against one more heated kiss. "Now," she agreed, grabbing her soon to be lover's hand.

The two women vanished out of the staff room a moment later, leaving Filius standing there to lower his personal wards and clear his head. He was still trying to puzzle out _what the buggering hell_ had just happened when Pomona came into the staff room a solid fifteen minutes later.

"Have you seen Minerva?" she asked him. "I wanted to ask her about those repairs I need on Greenhouse Four."

Filius coughed. "She's busy. Very, very busy."

"Doing what?" the Herbology Professor asked.

"Rather, whom," he whispered under his breath.

"What was that, Filius?" Pomana asked, eying him curiously.

"She's just _busy_ ," he said firmly. "Trust me when I say you do _not_ want to know. Bloody hell, I wish I could _un-_ know. I will never again forget the hazards of being nosy."

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